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Old 09-11-2017, 03:05 AM   #1
AlyKat
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Default The Story Behind The Story

You asked......

My new friend had been kicked out of yet another band. I convinced him to give a duet a try. Our first practice went beautifully. We sailed thru 12 or so songs without any difficulty. He used my amp. Then the Marshall half stack showed up & the volume wars began. Once the Marshall arrived, my vocals, my guitar, the synthesizer, & the harmonizer were never heard again.

Question: Why did I wind you up with the FB page? I couldn’t very well say he was a dud, we sucked, & our practices were a nightmare. I was trying to sell us & I had thought with time he would come around to the “duet way”.

Question: Do I think we needed more rehearsal time? Of course, but that was not the main issue. The main issue was volume.

Question: Was he a seasoned player? I thought so but I really do not know his musical history. Several days before the gig he was posting on his personal FB page how terribly nervous he was, I found that rather odd for a seasoned guitar veteran.

This was never a true gig, we were to busk for free on the sidewalk during an art walk. We found out later that a festival called Bikes On The Bricks was to be on the same weekend. Immediately my partner jumped to the conclusion that we were “THE MAIN EVENT” & I repeatedly told him we were just a couple of unpaid buskers. Then he got this crazy idea that we would be all over the local news since they were covering the festival. Again, I reminded him that we were incidental & would not be on the news.

The first several songs we played did not go over well, the feedback was that he was too loud & no one could hear me. The same comments were made after each song & I am pretty sure this ticked him off. There are a couple of videos but you can barely hear me play or sing in any of them & he is just doing a bunch of weird stuff that doesn’t even go with the songs & using too much effects & gain. Just sounds ridiculous.

This paired with the fact that none of his peeps came to listen, there were basically no crowds cheering us on, & zero tips, led to his disenchantment. He got moody & sulky & wouldn’t talk to anyone during the breaks & slunk off at the end without saying a word.

I messaged him later Fri night & apologized for not saying good bye & told him I thought we did good(just trying to be positive) & he ignored me until this evening & then only replied “keep the money”. He’s pissed at himself or me, I don’t even know for sure & I am not even sure I want to work with him anymore if he decides to “come around”.

Last question: What did I learn? Stop jumping in head first & desperately “settling” for something that is beneath me. Please don’t misinterpret what I am saying as ego or conceit or me being a diva. I just want a quality musician with the same goals, work ethic, & desire to be a true team & not trample all over me. I have been searching for about 3 years for something & deluded myself into thinking this would work.

You guys have spoiled me with posts of your playing & participations in jam tracks & collaborations. Everyone else pales in comparison !

Aly
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Old 09-11-2017, 03:20 AM   #2
Old Guitar Dad
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Your first sentence kind of sums it up. Sounds like this guy isn't a team player.

You deserve better. Or.. if there is nobody else...you should both play acoustic.

One question - did you not have someone from your squad in the audience that could advise on a sound check?

My first gig went a bit like that.. we asked one of our guitarists who plays a lot of "air guitar" to step out on a couple of the early songs that he doesn't know and give us some feedback as to who needed to go up and who needed to go down... he refused and simply stood there air strumming. It wasn't until the second set that we found out that my guitar was way too quiet (LOL... ).
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Old 09-11-2017, 03:25 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Old Guitar Dad View Post
Your first sentence kind of sums it up. Sounds like this guy isn't a team player.

You deserve better. Or.. if there is nobody else...you should both play acoustic.

One question - did you not have someone from your squad in the audience that could advise on a sound check?

My first gig went a bit like that.. we asked one of our guitarists who plays a lot of "air guitar" to step out on a couple of the early songs that he doesn't know and give us some feedback as to who needed to go up and who needed to go down... he refused and simply stood there air strumming. It wasn't until the second set that we found out that my guitar was way too quiet (LOL... ).
I had my mom, niece, & bodyguard standing back listening & giving us sound feedback/suggestions. They were all the same, he needed to turn down, I think it only pissed him off more, maybe he felt ganged up on. Why am I making excuses for him??
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Old 09-11-2017, 03:27 AM   #4
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I'm really sorry to hear how this all went down. It really felt like you finally found something. I think everybody has to make adjustments when they join in on a musical endeavor...playing in a band vs. a duo, playing classic rock vs. punk and pop...each requires a different approach with playing style, volume, amount of gain that is appropriate, blending, etc. My hope was that he would turn a corner and realize he had to adjust his playing and setup to fit what you guys were doing. It sounds like that wasn't happening .

I understand what you are saying about finding musicians to work with that share your drive, goals, musicianship, etc. It's not ego at all...it's just sensible.
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Old 09-11-2017, 04:14 AM   #5
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Why would you even consider wasting your time with guy anymore?

The first thing that jumped out to me when I saw the video was that his guitar was too loud and your guitar and vocals were way too low. And his tone was not right either. Just way too loud.

Run while you can.
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Old 09-11-2017, 04:24 AM   #6
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1) Agree that the FB page is about marketing and needs to be positive (the name can also fit a solo acoustic act very nicely). Here is where you can bare your soul with friends and colleagues.

2) I have never heard any of his music but I have heard you (here on the forum). You are very good so I know where the problem lies.

3) Don't abandon that FB page but slowly begin to change the focus. (That's my marketing suggestion, anyway. YMMV)
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Old 09-11-2017, 04:30 AM   #7
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There are several ways to deal with a Volume freak. My favorite is to turn my instrument down every time they turn theirs up. By the end of the tune they can't hear you playing. Sometimes they get the message after you've done it a few times. If they ask you why you turned down, you can tell them you didn't want to get the way of all that important stuff that they were playing. One of three things will happen. 1. They'll get the message and act right and your problem is solved. 2. They'll quit and your problem is solved. Then you can find someone who is more musically mature. 3. You can fire them or refuse to play with them and your problem is solved.
We've all had "THAT GUY" in a band at one time or another. Some of us have actually been "THAT GUY" in our early musical life. Years ago, when I was stupid, I used to get into volume battles with the Bass player. Its surprising just how big of an amp those Bass players can find.
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Old 09-11-2017, 05:01 AM   #8
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From what I have heard and seen of you, I'm really surprised that you have so much difficulty finding someone decent to play with. Also, I don't get the impression that you behave like a prima donna.

My gigging experience is fairly limited, but something I am certain of is that one person has to be in charge of the sound, and his/her word is law. This might not be anyone in the band, it could be someone listening from the audience POV. And it is personality conflicts that kill bands, not musical ability.
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Old 09-11-2017, 06:53 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by BeachBill View Post
1) Agree that the FB page is about marketing and needs to be positive (the name can also fit a solo acoustic act very nicely). Here is where you can bare your soul with friends and colleagues.

2) I have never heard any of his music but I have heard you (here on the forum). You are very good so I know where the problem lies.

3) Don't abandon that FB page but slowly begin to change the focus. (That's my marketing suggestion, anyway. YMMV)
Yeah i like the name - find someone else but now you can advertise for someone to join something not start something it sounds better. Every cloud...
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Old 09-11-2017, 07:25 AM   #10
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Thats tough Aly. Do what you feel is right. Maybe you can talk with him about it. If he still doesnt listen. Well then you run ! You will find someone else.
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